


Team Pollution

by Flamebearrel



Category: Rockman | Mega Man Classic
Genre: Gen, This is SUPPOSED to be cheesy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:10:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamebearrel/pseuds/Flamebearrel
Summary: Oil Man has watched a bit too many superhero shows- and now he wants to form a super team of his own. This can only lead to disaster, can't it?





	Team Pollution

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello, I'm just gonna put this here-
> 
> This is an old fanfic I made a while ago, but just got to posting recently.

It was a quiet day at Light Labs. The Robot Masters were all lazing about or doing their jobs, for the most part. Star Man was in the kitchen yet again, cooking up some other disaster that involved lots of batter and _lots_ of noodles. (How those go together, I don't know.) Time Man walked through the halls, bluntly reminding everyone of the things on their schedule that they were going to be late to. They replied with looks of annoyance every time. Pretty much everyone cared too little to pay any attention to the random alarm that sounded. Except Splash Woman.  
The mermaid robot turned her head as it blared. She hesitated for no longer than a split second, before whipping around and grabbing her Laser Trident. A miniature, aquamarine pool of water faded into view around her, molding into a small wave. It picked her up and carried her outside, where Oil Man was oil skateboarding, as usual. As she entered the area, Splash Woman bellowed, “OIL MAN!”  
DLN-00B turned his head, losing focus for no more than a split second. Unfortunately, that split second was enough to send him crashing into a wall. Dazed, the Robot Master fell to the ground. He frantically pulled his fallen scarf back around his mouth, before muttering, “Ow… What’s up?”  
“Oil Man! The alarm you set up yesterday is going off,” Splash Woman reported.  
He glanced at her with a sideways look, unconvinced. “Bruh, already?”  
The mer-bot nodded in reply. “Should I get the others?”  
Now it was Oil Man’s turn to nod. “Yeah. ‘Cause it’s time for… TEAM POLLUTION!”  
“Oh boy, now I’ve gotten him excited,” DLN-067 muttered, smiling. “Ah, well.” The wave under her rippled slightly, a tiny ripple of sea-green, and she was off again.  
She floated off to the couch (not just any couch, _the_ couch)- where as usual, Pump Man was lying. “Get up, you lazy-bot,” she called. “You need to do something productive.”  
“I _am_ doing something productive,” he replied with a yawn.  
“Oh yeah? Like what?”  
“Sleeping. It's very hard work, ya know.” The robot glanced at her lazily, adding, “And it doesn't help that you're distracting me, so goodbye!”  
Splash Woman floated up to him, frowning. “Yeah, alright, goodbye. Except I'm taking you with me!” She grabbed the pump handle on DWN-074’s helmet suddenly and began to drag him off the couch and across the room.  
“Okay-okay-okay! I’m coming, I’m coming!” Pump Man scrambled to his feet and dusted himself off. “So, what’s the big deal?”  
“Team Pollution.”  
“Oh. Wait, that’s an actual thing? I thought Oil was joking when he asked us to join.”  
“Well, he wasn’t. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go get the last member of the team.” With that, she whipped around and floated towards the hot tub that was apparently there. “Bubble Man!”  
The amphibious robot turned his head. “Hey, Splash! What’re you here for?”  
Splash Woman replied, “You know that team thing Oil Man was talking about? Well, it turns out he wasn’t kidding.”  
“Wow,” he said simply, transforming from civilian form to his battle body. “So I guess we’re gonna have to go beat up some baddies?”  
“Yes.”  
“Alrighty then.” DWN-011 dunked his head under the water one more time, clambered out of the hot tub, and glanced at her again. “Uh, mind if you make me a wave?” Everyone knew that since he was made for aquatic purposes, his legs were unable to work on land. He hated hopping around like a frog, so usually he just stayed in or near the water.  
The Lightbot smiled, waving her trident gracefully. A pool of H2O just like the one carrying her formed around Bubble Man’s feet, and soon they were both treading water.  
“Alright,” she said, “that should be everyone. Let's go meet up with the others and head off!”

As soon as Splash and Bubble floated up, Oil Man began discussing the issue. “Some dudes are illegally dumpin’ oil into the ocean!”  
“What,” Bubble Man cried, “that’s horrible!” The former Wilybot shook his head sadly. “People these days... They don’t know what they’re doing to the environment.”  
Splash Woman’s face had a determined expression. “We have to stop them!”  
“Well then, let's go already,” Pump Man grunted. “If we're doing this, we’re doing this.”  
“Wait! Hang on!”  
Everyone looked at Oil Man.  
“Before we go, we've gotta do… ‘The Pose.’” DLN-00B waved his hands excitedly as the words were said.  
“The Pose,” echoed Bubble, confusion filling his voice.  
The Lightbot nodded. “Yeah, The Pose. Y’know, that thing people from TV shows always do before they get in action?”  
Splash burst into laughter. “Wow, Oil. I think you’ve been watching too much television,” she chuckled.  
With an amused smirk, DWN-074 shook his head. “Then let’s do it.”  
“You got it,” replied Oil Man. “Three… two… one…”  
The four of them suddenly posed dramatically, arms in the air and faces displaying that they were ready for action. With the exception of Pump Man, of course, who just casually made a peace sign with his fingers and held that up. (Did you really expect him to do more?)  
“That was... actually quite refreshing, honestly,” Bubble Man noted aloud once they returned to their normal positions. “But now we can’t waste anymore time! Let’s go!”  
And they were off!  
Buildings flickered past as they rushed towards the beach, tall giants standing above them, guarding all life for miles around. The crisp air blew hard against their faces. Street lights blinded them, bright flame-tinted flashes skimming their heads, but they kept going. Going, going, going… and going some more.  
“My question is,” DWN-011 shouted as they were moving, “why are we called Team Pollution if we’re made to get rid of pollution?!”  
“I don’t know,” Oil Man screamed back. “Gotta fight fire with Fire Man, right?”  
“That doesn’t even make sense!”  
“I think I’ve got a better question,” yelled Pump Man. “Why are we running to the beach if we can just teleport there?!”  
They all screeched to a halt. Bubble Man crashed into a tree.  
Splash Woman put her hand up to her chin, pondering the question. “...You’ve got a good point,” she reasoned. Pump facepalmed in response.  
So they teleported.  
The beach wind was fresh and salty. Crunchy particles of sand were piled together to make little hills. The ocean slapped lazily against the ground, inching forward, then back again, as if beckoning everything to come closer. Seagulls cawed. The sun gleamed, reflecting against the huge, inky blotches of oil that dappled the water. There didn’t seem to be any sort of problem there.  
...Wait. Blotches of oil?  
Sorry about that. When I said, “There didn’t seem to be any sort of problem there”, I meant, “There seemed to be a _big_ problem there.”  
All four of them could hear the horror in Bubble Man’s voice as he croaked, “This… this is worse than what I expected.”  
Oil Man cried, “Those bubs have gone too far! We’ve gotta stop ‘em, pronto!”  
Immediately, Splash started giving orders. “Oil Man! You and Bubble go round up that oil! Pump Man and I will take care of these guys!” She angrily pointed to two men who were dumping barrels of the gunk into the ocean.  
DWN-00B nodded. “You got it, girl!” He turned to the Wilybot he was partnered with. “Let’s do this!” Creating an oil slider under his feet, he slid over the ocean, with his partner close behind.  
The men were about to pour out another barrel when Pump Man rushed toward them. “Hey, you,” he shouted.  
The first one turned his head. “Wha- Robot Masters?!”  
“Stop hurting the environment!” He lunged toward them suddenly, anger shining in his eyes. “You’re-” The robot grabbed the barrel of oil at the last moment, falling and skidding on his side to stop himself from going any farther- “Just asking-” He chucked it over their heads so it hit the rocky sand behind them- “For a beating!”  
“Uh, bro,” called Oil Man awkwardly from where he and Bubble were, “we kinda can’t hurt humans.”  
“Remember the zeroth law,” Pump pointed out while grabbing the other barrels from them. “We can beat ‘em up all we want if they’re hurting humanity. Pollution essentially hurts humanity, so…”  
“Oh,” said Bubble Man. “He’s got a point.”  
Oil Man sighed. “Okay, fine, whatever. Let him do whatever he wants, it’s _his_ job. The important thing is that _we_ do _ours_!” Skimming just above the water, the Robot Master sucked globs of the dark stuff into his hand- which was currently in the form of an oil pump. That was when he noticed some was leaking farther out into the ocean. He cried out, “Bubble! Stop that stuff from gettin’ away!”  
The aquatic Robot Master nodded in reply, swimming rapidly towards the leakage. From his arm cannon, he created a huge bubble- one that was almost the size of an elephant. As if to defy all physics (and prove that video game logic isn’t very logical), the bubble absorbed the oil through its moist coating and into its airy center. “Got it,” he shouted to Oil.  
At the same time, Splash had proceeded to knock the men out by bashing their heads together. This was by order of Pump Man, who was busy collecting all the barrels. Honestly, she was impressed. She had never really seen Pump as determined as he was before. But she wouldn’t let that distract her. The merbot grabbed a rope and tied the two men to a nearby tree.  
“We’ve done all we can. I think we should let the real professionals take it from here,” she called to the rest of the team, whipping out a phone. “Hello? Police? Yes, this is Splash Woman…” Splash continued ranting about the issue, watching Oil and Bubble finish up with the leakage. The two of them exchanged a brief set of words before heading back to shore. As for Pump Man, he seemed completely absorbed in taunting the two men once they had woken up. They let him do his thing.  
Soon enough, sirens blared and police cars were on the beach. The professionals got right to work on inspecting the area. As the men were backed into a car, the policemen took time to thank them. One officer in particular expressed his gratitude quite joyfully.  
“Fantastic job, guys,” congratulated Fake Man as he headed towards them. “We get here and almost everything’s fixed up for us! It’s like a housewarming party or somethin’!”  
Bubble shrugged. He seemed a bit embarrassed. “It was nothing much. No need to thank us.”  
“Yup,” Oil agreed, “all in a day’s work for Team Pollution!”  
“Team… Pollution.”  
Splash Woman sighed, explaining, “It’s a silly thing he made up, and he dragged us all into it. ...But I have to admit, it is pretty interesting.”  
“Splash’s got a point.” The team’s fourth member was eating a bag of chips that he had grabbed from another officer. “That was fun all in it’s own, and having an excuse to hurt humans? _Awesome_!”  
Everyone stared at Pump Man.  
There was a moment of awkward silence. After that, all he could say was, “What? What did I do?”  
Immediately Oil Man tried to change the topic, ignoring the suspicious looks from their policebot friend. “Anywayyyy. ...Aren’t we forgettin’ something?”  
“What are you talking about,” piped Bubble. “Is this about the Pose again? ‘Cause if that’s the case, then I’m not interested.”  
“No, it’s different! Completely different! I… well…” Oil rubbed his head, feeling a bit embarrassed about it suddenly. “We were supposed to walk into the sunset… You get what I mean.”  
Splash paused for a moment. Then, suddenly, she started laughing. “Oh, Oil Man, you really do watch too much TV,” she chuckled, wiping a tear out of her eye.  
He just shrugged in response. “Eh, I won’t deny that. So what do you guys say?”  
There were grumbles and groans, but no one declined the opportunity. The four of them turned to the west, linking arms, and together they stepped into the brilliant light, walking off into the vast distance.  
So what if they tripped a few times?


End file.
